Last Saturday, my husband and I, along with our children, went to a well-known breakfast spot in St. Louis. As we walked in, the 25 people waiting to be seated in front of us confirmed the diner’s popularity, and just like that, we were overwhelmed. But as we made our way past fellow patrons, the host, an older man with a warm smile, greeted us. He could instantly tell that we were not regulars and went out of his way to help us enjoy our visit.
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After 20 minutes of talking with the host (and even after accepting an unexpected invitation to his church), we were finally seated.
While waiting for our much-needed coffee, the host returned to our table and said, “You guys are a lovely couple.”
He then looked at me and said, “I want you to do something: Whenever your husband buys you something, look him in his eyes and give him a kiss.”
Although I politely smiled, laughed and said, “Yes, sir!” I was put off. I had no idea why he gave that advice and didn’t think to ask for clarification. Someone was getting a little too comfortable.
However, during our brief conversation while we waited for a table, he mentioned that he had been married for 34 years. With that in mind, I just accepted the unsolicited advice, assuming that it was meant for good. I mean, he had been married for more than three decades, so he must know something about making a marriage last, right?
While eating our honey-glazed wings, fluffy waffles with grits and cheesy eggs, I thought a bit about what he said. I, of course, didn’t share my thoughts with my husband since his prompt side-eye following the man's suggestion told me everything I needed to know about his opinion on the comment. Still, a myriad of thoughts crossed my mind after receiving the advice: <em>So, I’m supposed to kiss my husband when he buys me food, as in this meal I’m currently eating? Or should I save my smooches for when he buys me a huge gift? What about him? Shouldn’t he kiss me for buying him a random gift, like I did weeks ago? How about these two kids I pushed out?!</em>
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that this counsel from a retired teacher, who picked up a part-time job at a restaurant to pass the time, had my thoughts all over the place. But then again, his own marriage seemed to be going strong. Because of that, I decided to take heed.
Later on that day, my husband did indeed purchase an item for me (more for my growing business, but nonetheless, he bought it), and I jokingly looked in his eyes and gave him a kiss.
I meant it in jest, but at that moment, I asked myself, <em>Did my grateful actions do anything for my marriage?</em> Even though we were making fun of the situation, I found myself wondering if this was a form of thankfulness that my husband would actually appreciate.
In my three years of marriage, that wasn’t the best advice I’ve received, but it did make me reevaluate the way I interact with my husband. I wasn't impacted in a profound way, but I do now find myself putting more of an effort in to ensure that I find ways to let him know that I’m grateful for him. And no, I'm not just grateful for purchases that he might make, but I'm thankful for him in all things.
We both already have a tendency to say “Thank you” for the simple things that we do for each other and contribute around the house, but a little extra effort can go a long way.
I do know one thing: I want to be married for 34 years and beyond. So while the host could have shared his counsel with my husband as well (because it does take two to make a thing go right -- duh), I’m not going to dismiss the man's advice, even if it was unsought. It's not any landmark guidance sure to keep us afloat, but a long gaze into each other’s eyes and a big wet one could be one of the little things necessary to keep us encouraged--and in love.
<em>Image via Shutterstock </em>
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