Do You Scare Your Partner Out Of The Feminist Discussion?

[caption id="attachment_836391" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Happy african american young couple sitting and talking over yellow background[/caption] I understand this isn’t popular opinion, and I understand that women have had to bend over backward to accommodate the unfair expectations and demands of men since basically the beginning of time. But only talking about where we want to be as a society while failing to acknowledge where we are doesn’t get us anywhere. So let’s acknowledge that men could use a little help into the feminist discussion. Yes, some men have anti-feminist thoughts and don’t even realize it because they’ve been hammered into them since the womb. Rather than yell at and dismiss them for it, when a man wants to be a part of the feminist discussion, let’s make it welcoming for him. Do you scare your partner out of the feminist discussion? [caption id="attachment_706179" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You shush him around your friends

When you have your girlfriends over, you give into the pressure to keep it a hyper-feminine interaction—no boys allowed. So when your partner tries to get involved in the conversation, you “jokingly” shush him and tell him to “go play your video games” or something like that.               [caption id="attachment_709772" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You insist he won’t like the movie/book/lecture

Your partner wants to come with you to the feminist film, or to read the book, or to attend the lecture. You know that you’ll need to explain a lot to him, and rather than make that effort, you just tell him to stay home because he wouldn’t enjoy himself. Maybe part of your job is bringing him along, and answering his questions throughout the lecture.             [caption id="attachment_709009" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Do you say, “Men are stupid?”

Sometimes you make blanket statements about men like, “Men are stupid” or “That’s such a male mentality.” You make your partner feel like, sometimes, you don’t see him as an individual, but you attribute his flaws, mistakes or thinking to his gender. This can make him very afraid to even speak up.               [caption id="attachment_718323" align="alignleft" width="415"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Do you say, “You don’t know what you’re talking about?”

Sometimes, when your partner tries to discuss feminism, you cut him off and say, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” And hey—maybe he doesn’t. But pointing that out doesn’t exactly make him feel confident in joining the discussion and trying to educate himself so that in the future, he will know what he’s talking about.             [caption id="attachment_621190" align="alignleft" width="479"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You get mad and don’t provide an explanation

Sometimes, when your partner makes a misogynistic comment without realizing it, you don’t take the time to explain it to him. You let your rage overcome you, and you become silent the rest of the night.               [caption id="attachment_617568" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You tell him he’s conditioned/brainwashed

You tell your partner that his thoughts are not his own but rather have been passed down to him—hammered into his subconscious—through years of a male-dominated society. You might be correct, but this doesn’t exactly make your partner feel comfortable speaking up or asking questions. How would you like it if someone told you that your thoughts were not your own? And that you didn’t have control over your own brain? Why would you even dare try to educate yourself then?         [caption id="attachment_608142" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

You tell him he wouldn’t understand

When your partner wants to know what you and your friends are talking about or wants to let you vent about a sexist experience you had, you tell him he wouldn’t understand. But he is trying to understand…That’s why he asked.               [caption id="attachment_717151" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

When he’s afraid to speak up, you berate him

Through all of the actions mentioned in this list, you’ve frightened your partner out of joining the feminist conversation at all. You ask for his opinion, he says, “I probably won’t know what I’m talking about” and then you get mad at him for making you feel guilty that you told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. Yikes.             [caption id="attachment_703757" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You joke about just becoming a lesbian

You often make jokes about just becoming a lesbian because you’re tired of dealing with men. So, if your partner does or says one more thing wrong, he risks losing you entirely? That’s an unfair amount of pressure on him.               [caption id="attachment_616273" align="alignleft" width="445"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Can he do nothing right?

If your partner pays for you without consulting you, he’s sexist. If he asks you to pay for dinner because he got it last time, he’s cheap and rude. If he tries to get involved in your conversations with your girlfriends, he is shushed. If he stays out of the conversation, he is called a misogynist because he didn’t take an interest in the feminist discussion.             [caption id="attachment_704580" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You point out his male privilege constantly

If anything good happens to him—from a promotion to getting the good table at the restaurant—you tell him it’s his male privilege. That probably doesn’t make him feel very safe participating in a feminist discussion.               [caption id="attachment_714451" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You man-hate on social media

Most of your Facebook page is made up of articles and videos involving a time a man did something bad. There’s nothing wrong with sharing those articles—in fact, it’s important to—but that is all you put on your social media pages. You don’t share photos of a fun night you had with your partner, or share a story of something nice he did. If you mention a man on social media, it is to mention a bad man.             [caption id="attachment_609049" align="alignleft" width="415"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You state the world would be better without men

You often joke that the world would be better off without men. How is your partner supposed to respond to that? Why should he try to participate in the feminist discussion when you’re over there scheming about a world in which he wouldn’t even exist?               [caption id="attachment_716559" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You call things a “woman’s job”

When your partner tries to help with something, you stop him and say, “That’s a woman’s job” all because you are, admittedly, better at the task. But that is, first and foremost, quite anti-feminist on your part and it implies that some things are "men’s jobs".                 [caption id="attachment_698275" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock.com/Yelling[/caption]

You get mad at him when another man messes up

If a male public figure messes up, you take out your rage on your partner for the rest of the day. You berate, him and demand he explains the behavior of that public figure. Essentially, your partner has to answer for all men, all of the time.

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